As of Late

I am learning the cost of following Jesus Christ.
Everything has a value.
Everything has meaning.
What means more to me is what I will serve
I cannot serve two masters, either I live in the world or I walk by the spirit.
My mom is struggling financially to support herself, her boyfriend is in the hospital with a fatal decease, I struggle financially, I make mistakes and harm others whom I never wish to harm. I fail classes, I sin daily.

How am I doing this....why am I yet still used by God?

I am a sinner and I know what grace is, yet I struggle to walk out in that grace. I allow shame to mean more to me then God's love. I allow shame to cause me to reject God's love. I know that is prideful of me, but it just hurts more to walk in grace then it does to walk in pride, essentially sin.

I know this is not right.

I am trying to walk out in the Grace of God, I really am....and things go wrong even more. I am still fighting to walk in this Grace. His burden is light, but it hurts so much. I feel like I am losing everything, my mom, my friends, my dignity. It cost everything.

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